I know I haven't been paying to much attention to you lately...
I know that you probably think I've left you for a blond or possible one of the dark ones I'm so fond of on hot summer nights. I know you must think I'm a horrible person and that I must sound a little crazy writing you this letter and pouring out my feelings.
But the truth is after the night we spent together, at first I thought it was a mistake that I should have let the past be the past. But I realize now that we were meant to be.
Do you remember that time in 2001 when I spent a whole evening drooling over you and asking for more? We were together until I couldn't take it anymore and you and I went to the bathroom stall and stayed there for a good half hour? I hope you do, because that's the night I knew that you and I were for real.
I know that you get treated like "the other woman" sometimes, but it's only because you are a jealous one and I'm a free spirit that thought he needed the company of others. So I hung out with Belgian blonds like Stella and Amstel, I even jumped the fence and tried my luck with dark Irishmen like Murphy and Guiness... But in all their glory and even in the best of times no beer could give me the buzz, the high and the utter sense of sexual potency that you did.
Despite all the vomiting, the pairs of pants I've lost over the years, the headaches in the morning, the bloody noses, the women you've lost me and the fact you cost 3 times the price of a 6 pack; if you'll have me back, I'd like to come home now.
I miss you my sweet sweet Tanqueray Gin.