1-Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).
-Jesus:be nice to others.
2-The dude who mows my lawn.
-Jesus, you missed a spot.
3-A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club.
-Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is “right.”
Dude: “Hey! What the hell are you doing to my car???”
Other dude: “Jesus’ will.”
4-Jesus lived a really long time ago in the Holy Land. He taught a lot of people to be nice to each other. He told stories, called parables, to help people understand about heaven and blah..bla..bablah..ba..blah..bablah..blah
5-The guy who came and died on the cross to pay the debt of my sins.
-In the court...
Judge: Danapal, you have a debt.
Danapal: Yes,I am sorry, it won't happen again.
Jesus walks in and hands the judge the money I owe.
Danapal: Thank you Jesus!
6-A good answer for pretty much anything.
Billy: Hey Tom, what's the answer to #2?
Tom: Jesus.
7-One of the good guys.
-Apparantly Jesus saves people like Spider-man.
8-A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so that he can remove an evil force in your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
9-Jesus, is a cool guy who is cooler than nature, enjoys long romantic walks on water, and doesn't get all big-headed about being God's son.
Girl: So what do you like to do?
Jesus: I enjoy long romantic walks on water.
Girl: Only Jesus can do that.
Jesus: Bitch, I am Jesus!
well this is all for today... maybe we will continue discosting this chapter on next class...
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